Hopeful in Jesus
I went out on a date with God today. I have been meaning to set aside one whole day with God but I think it’s not possible for now so I’ll maximize the time I have.
After the church service this morning, I asked God to help me find a place where I can have a quiet time with Him. I found this spot and was glad that there were only two people inside. (Just to clarify, we don’t need to go somewhere else to spend quiet time with God. We can talk to Him anytime, anywhere. I just really wanted a place where I could focus.)
Anyway, I enjoyed the pasta and the hot matcha latte. I had to ask the staff to add hot water in my drink because it was too sweet. The pasta was okay. I think olives and capers shouldn’t be paired with sundried, salted herrings because they make the dish too salty. It’s just my preference. I understand others probably like it that way. Although, yes, I can take out the olives and capers.
I’m grateful I keep scratch papers in my bag. I can’t keep long mental notes and I have to write them down. Sometimes, when an idea comes and I tell myself I have to remember it because it’s important, I forget it right after another idea comes. Sooo… I wrote down my prayer to God and some other important things today.
I enjoy quiet times. It’s crucial for my sanity. There are things in my life that I’m still processing. My life had been a whirlwind since the start of the year. I hadn’t really gotten the chance to sit down, be quiet, think, and write. I’m grateful for today.
This morning, during the praise and worship time, I was crying and groaning loudly while the people around were singing. I honestly wanted that part of the service to last the whole day so I can release my stresses.
A lot of things happened over a period of five months. I met Lelan, became a girlfriend, got engaged, said goodbye to him temporarily, planned for a wedding, worked, met a lot of people, had two wedding ceremonies, had a physical intimacy with a man for the first time, said goodbye again… I was so busy I didn’t couldn’t have time to be emotional. There were times during the wedding planning when I wanted to cry but didn’t have the opportunity. My eyes would well up but I would wipe my eyes before the tears fell because I had things to do.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful to God for my husband. I just didn’t have enough time to meditate–to pray and read the Bible–because of all the preparation and whatnot. I admit that there were times when I didn’t get to read the Bible anymore because of the busy-ness. I confessed this to God and repented. I told myself that I won’t let anything anymore to stop me from having my devotion time.
God is good. He is always good. The bad things that happened to me, God allowed them for a reason. I trust that God is with me and He will never leave me.
