Fresh Start Daily

“Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real test of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven as trustworthy in our own minds.” – The Trial of Faith, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

When I first became a Christian, I was on a spiritual high. Our pastor even noticed that I was on fire. I was on fire for God and I loved it. His presence was so thick it was almost tangible. I came to know Jesus personally 9 years ago. I often find myself telling God I miss that feeling and I want it back. However, I learned that Christianity is more than just a feeling. Faith is called faith because even without seeing, hearing or feeling, we believe. Faith is not based on feelings.

“Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’” – John 20:29

I realized that our life as a Christian is a journey. We are constantly learning and growing. We cannot linger in one place for too long figuratively—sometimes literally, too! We have to keep moving forward. I learned that as we grow and mature in Christ, He will sometimes test us by keeping quiet. Not all of our prayers will be answered. It’s not really to punish us but to teach us. He wants to see how we will respond. He wants to see if His silence will keep us away from him or draw us close/r to Him. He wants to see if we cling to Him for His blessings or for Himself who is actually the greatest blessing.

I realized God has been teaching me to praise Him in my nothingness. The greatest desires of my heart that remain unanswered teach me to cling on to Him all the more. It taught me, and it still is teaching me, to trust Him. Desperation leads me to surrender.

Sometimes I still find myself asking, “Why, Lord?” However, many times I tell Him, “Lord, my circumstances do not change Your character. You are a good God. You are always good. My frustrations do not change the fact that You are sovereign. You are the God that can do the impossible. You are the God that can do whatever whenever. You are the God who can give my heart’s desire in an instant should You will it.” With tears in my eyes I say, “With or without, I love You.”

It’s no longer a romanticized admiration for God but a deep reverence from knowing His character. It’s not blind faith anymore. I trust the Lord because of the knowledge I have of His character. He is a good God, a sovereign God, a generous God, a merciful God, a forgiving God, a compassionate God, a God that never tires in giving chances, a God that does not push repentant hearts away no matter how grave the sin committed is, a God that never abandons His children, a God that is not stupid (He knows those who are His), a God who promises and delivers, and a lot more.

I don’t only have knowledge of Him, but also an experience of Him. Even if He chooses not to answer my prayers, even though it hurts, I will continue to trust in Him. I know that God knows what He’s doing and it’s for my own good.

I’ve experienced spiritual drought in the past and it was the worst feeling! I’d always felt close to God prior to that wilderness and not having that feeling anymore drove me crazy. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel the same way. I was praying (even fasting), reading the Bible, the whole nine yards. I learned that we are not always going to feel high spiritually but it doesn’t mean that God turned His back on us. It doesn’t mean He’s far away.

I learned that we can be as close to God as we choose to be. Our closeness to Him depends on us because He never leaves. He’s always there. When we feel far from Him, it’s because of our own doing. It’s because we distance ourselves from Him.

It’s in my frustration that I learned complete abandon to God. It’s in knowing Him that I remain hopeful and confident.

Morning devotion: 1 Timothy 4:1-11

Like other believers, I don’t always feel motivated to pray earnestly or read the Bible. Some days are harder than the others. I get it. I feel sad though when I don’t get to read the Bible even when I don’t feel motivated. However, I learned that no matter what our circumstance is, we have to SHOW UP.

We’re not always going to have some deep revelations from our reading and that’s okay. When I don’t feel like reading the Bible, I still read the Bible. I read even just a few verses. When I wake up in the morning, I do my quiet time before doing anything else. Today, I wasn’t motivated to read because I got excited by a new project. I wanted to focus on that but God convicted my heart. When we don’t pray, it’s like we’re saying “God, I got this. I can do this on my own. I don’t need You to help me.”

I am now on 1st Timothy chapter 4 in my chronological reading. Of all the things I read, verse 7 stood out to me. In that verse, it says that we should exercise toward godliness. It means that we are not godly by nature. Our heart, by nature, is inclined to run from God instead of to God. We are inclined to do what’s easy and comfortable which often does not please the Lord.

Being godly involves discipline. It’s hard work and it’s not always fun. Imagine an athlete training for a big competition. He denies himself of junk food, late-night tv shows, parties, etc. He has to eat nutritious food (which is more of than not, bland in taste), get enough sleep and exercise. He has to keep his body strong and healthy to be ready to compete and win.

It’s similar with our faith. We become godly by exercising spiritually. I know it’s hard with all the distractions especially now that we’re in a quarantine. We have more time to spend on the internet. It’s also a struggle for me lately because it consumes a lot of my time. I know I should be spending it on something productive. As much as possible, I only connect to the internet on my phone when I have to. I don’t want to be online 24/7. There are things we have to deny ourselves of to draw closer to God.

“For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.” – 1 Timothy 4:8

It’s hard work but the joy is incomparable to anything in this world. All the fun in this world pales in comparison to the joy that the Lord gives.

“You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.” – 2 Timothy 2:3-5

“Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil.”

I woke up around 5 a.m. today and before going back to sleep (I usually wake up around 8 or 9 because I work mid-shift.), I decided to read the Bible first. I read my Bible every morning and I do it chronologically. (I am currently in the book of Galatians.) I know that flipping randomly to scriptures is not recommended but… I admit I do that sometimes. And I did it today.

I read from the book of Ecclesiastes. What stuck with me is chapter 5 verse 1. It says in the first part that we should “draw near to hear”. When we come to God, often we position ourselves to be heard by Him. We present our requests and whatnot. We seldom come to Him to listen.

Every time I ask God to speak to me, I am always awestruck. I read exactly what I need when I need it. Listening to God, and not just hearing Him, can be a challenge because of all the distractions–external and internal. Sometimes the loudest noise is not from our surroundings but from our heart and mind. We need to quiet down our heart and mind to really listen to Him.

The second part of verse 1 is about giving a sacrifice to God. It’s called “sacrifice of fools” because the people “do not know that they do evil”. I thought of a verse that has a similar message:

“Samuel said, ‘Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams.’” 1 Samuel 15:22

God wants our heart more than anything we can give Him because really, there is nothing we can give that God doesn’t own. Everything good that we have is given by Him. He cares more about our heart posture than our performance. He sees behind our actions. He delights more in our obedience than our sacrifice.

When I pondered on it, it dawned on me how the phrases in that verse are related. Before we can obey Him, we have to draw near to Him first so we will know what He wants us to do. We cannot obey what we didn’t receive/hear.

Wow! So much revelation in just one verse! And we have the entire Bible to learn from and revel in. God’s Word is indeed living and active.

Songwriter: Laurie B. Klein

I love you, Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You
Oh, my soul rejoice!
Take joy my King
In what You hear
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear
We exalt You
Oh oh Lord
I love you, Lord

I have been singing this a lot lately. I love the story of how the lyrics of this song was composed. It’s short and simple but very sincere.

I just thought… When our flaws are exposed, people despise us. The thing is, they’re flawed, too. On the other hand, Jesus, who is flawless, sees our entirety–filth and all–and embraces us still. He who knows everything about us and has all the right to condemn does not. Instead, He restores. He receives us and leaves us clean, beautiful, confident, hopeful, assured, and loved.

No one will intentionally get to know us and pursue us the way God does. The Lord watches us and knows the tiniest details in our life. He knows what breaks our heart and what makes us dance in joy. No one else can love us like Jesus. Truly no one else satisfies.

Morning devotion: John 21:1-14

Nakakatuwa basahin ang verses na ito. Napaka-sweet ni Jesus. This is the third time Jesus showed Himself to His disciples after He was raised from the dead (v. 14).

The night before, some of the disciples went fishing but they caught nothing. The next morning, Jesus showed Himself to them and told them to cast their net into the sea and they were able to catch lots of fish.

When they reached the land, they saw a fire of coals with fish laid on it and bread (v.9). Jesus prepared breakfast for them and gave them extra fish. Isn’t that sweet? Jesus showed Himself to them to have fellowship. It shows how much He loves His disciples.

INGREDIENTS:

CRUST:
2 1/4 c all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1/2 tbsp sugar
1 1/8 sticks (9 tbsp) butter, cold
5 tbsp butter, cold
1/2 c cold water + 1 tbsp vinegar

FILLING:
2 medium size carrots, diced
6-7 tbsp green peas
1 1/2 c mushrooms, sliced
1 large white onion bulb, sliced
1 garlic head, finely chopped
1 whole chicken breast, diced

EGG and CREAM MIXTURE:
2 1/2 c heavy cream
6 eggs
1 tsp nutmeg
1 1/2 tsp black pepper, ground
2 tsp salt

TOPPINGS:
1 c mild cheddar cheese
fresh basil leaves

Method:

1. Prepare the pie crust. I used the pumpkin pie crust recipe. However, I only used 1 to 2 tablespoons of the cold water and apple cider vinegar mixture.
2. Cook the chicken with olive oil. Set aside.
3. Saute the onion, garlic, mushroom, carrots, and green peas with olive oil. Then add the chicken. Set aside.
4. Put the sauteed ingredients in the pie crust, then pour the egg and cream mixture.
5. Put the basil and then sprinkle the cheese on top.
6. Bake

I made quiche today (not the orginal quiche lorraine recipe though). I used Kimiya Lim’s recipe for the filling but I tweaked it to my own liking. It’s my first time to make it and I’m happy it turned out well. The crust was a little crumbly. I think it’s because I added a little too much flour. Anyway, I had the second pan delivered to my sister because I was able to make 2 pans of it.

“Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, ‘Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.’” – John 11:3

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” – John 11:5

“Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, ‘Where have you laid him?’ They said to him, ‘Lord, come and see.’ Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how He loved him!’” John 11:33-36

This story touches my heart. It shows how Jesus loved the siblings Mary, Martha and Lazarus. It made me tell God I wish He loves me that way, too–that He will weep for me. There are many characters in the Bible who, after reading their stories, make me jealous because of God’s immense love for them. I find myself begging God to love me the same way and move in my life the same way.

However, as I was reflecting on it, I remembered how God the Father sacrificed His own Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for my salvation. He laid down His life for us on the cross. Knowing that pacifies my heart. To be reminded of God’s deep love for each and every one of us is so comforting.

I hear and read this often (not necessarily for me). People love to give this advice, and I understand that they have nothing but good intention. However, I have observed that I love myself better not when I spend so much time loving myself or making myself feel good by going on a trip, eating good food, getting a massage, or other things that they say will help us love ourselves but when I spend quality time with my Savior.

Sure those things are nice and they do make us feel good but the joy they bring is temporal. They don’t last. Those things make us feel good for a while but hours, days, weeks, months, or even years later, we revert to our exhausted, disappointed self. Then we do things to make us happy again. It’s a vicious cycle.

When I read and meditate on the Word of God, when I hear from Him through His Word, when I feel His warm and comforting presence, when I am enveloped by His peace that transcends all understanding, when He fills me with hope, when He reassures me that I am His, I feel good, I feel beautiful, I feel loved and I love others better. People’s opinion fade in the background and all that matters is I am loved by my Maker, my Savior, my King, my Father, my redeemer, my safe place…

People say we should love ourselves but what do they really mean when they say that? God teaches us the opposite in His Word. Nowhere in the Bible can we find God telling us to love ourselves. God even tells us to die to self every day.

“Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.’” Luke 9:23-24

What does dying to self mean? Dying to self means to love God first, others second, ourselves last. It means to love others even—most especially—when it’s difficult. (God says we are to love our enemies even if they doubt our intentions.) It means sharing the truth about God with people even if they persecute us, even if it literally costs our life! It means to have a peaceful heart even when others ignore or malign us. It means serving people even when they are thankless.

Boy, that ain’t easy! Humans are naturally selfish and it’s our instinct to put ourselves above others. I need to seek God daily and be filled by His love for me to be able to do that. My love is limited. It is God who supplies me with love when I’m running out. I always ask Him to fill me till I overflow…till I spill it to others. We cannot pour from an empty cup.

It doesn’t mean letting others treat us like doormats. It means following Jesus’ example of service and it is ultimately for the Lord (Matthew 20:26-28, John 13:14-17). Jesus said that whoever wants to be first should be last (i.e. slaves). Jesus did not come to be served but to serve.

The question is, what/who should be our source? Jesus is the only one who never runs out and never fails because He is God. His love is limitless. We can only truly love ourselves when we love God first because He is the source of love.

“We love Him because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

“The self-esteem cult that goes around saying we’ve got to build up people’s self-esteem is taking them the opposite way that the message of the Bible does, because the more you love yourself, the less likely you are to need a Savior. Self-esteemism is based on an unbiblical perspective. It is diametrically opposed to the truth of human depravity. Moreover, while Scripture commends self-control as a fruit of the spirit, the Bible has nothing positive to say about: self-esteem, self-love, or any other variety of self-centeredness.” – John MacArthur

INGREDIENTS:

BANANA BREAD
1 1/2 c sugar (half brown sugar, half granulated)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
4 eggs
2 1/4 c all purpose flour
1 c butter, melted
1/2 c milk, full cream
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
5 large ripe bananas (about 2 1/2 c)

CREAM CHEESE FILLING:
1 c cream cheese
2 egg yolks
1 tbsp sugar

I made banana bread with cream cheese today for mama because it’s Mother’s Day. I doubled the recipe because this makes only 1 loaf. 😊