Fresh Start Daily

I was just in my freshman year in college and I already envisioned myself as a wife and a mom. However, life took its course and things didn’t turn out as I expected. Nevertheless, I am grateful because I believe I wouldn’t have encountered Jesus personally if not for those twists and turns.

20 years later, the desire to have a family of my own was still there. It never really left. I believe it is God who put that desire in my heart. It was the year 2020 when I started praying for a husband intentionally. I cried A LOT AND HARD to God.

The truth is, it’s easy to find someone to marry. People can marry for shallow reasons. However, it’s not easy to find someone who genuinely loves the Lord. That was one of my non-negotiables. I was passive when I was still single. I mean, I did not actively put myself out there. When I became a Christian, I never dated anyone. I was just focused on serving God. Also, being in a country with only a few Christians, it is very difficult to find, or be found by, someone who shares the same faith.

I had one boyfriend before having a personal relationship with Jesus. I was in freshman year in college. After graduation, my classmate in college talked me into dating her cousin after seeing our pictures together. I went out on a couple of dates with him, after much convincing from her, but it didn’t work out. Then years later, my classmate in a language class, who became a good friend, started asking me out. I didn’t realize he was into me and I didn’t want to ruin that friendship by being in a romantic relationship with him. He didn’t want to us to be just friends so we ended up not talking anymore.

I believe that people should date to marry. You date to get to know someone on a deeper level. What’s the purpose of dating if you have no marriage in mind? It’s important for me that my husband and I are compatible. However, aside from compatibility, he should have reverence for the Lord. Even if someone is good-looking, talented, successful, smart, what have you, if he doesn’t fear and love the Lord, that’s a major red flag.

My cousin and sister encouraged me to try Christian dating websites. They are aware of the potential dangers that lurk there so they didn’t fail to give caveats. I honestly didn’t like dating sites–even Christian ones. I had always wanted to meet and get to know my husband in person. Another reason I hesitated was I was shy to let people know I’m looking for a marriage partner. For me, it was a sign of desperation. It was very uncomfortable. I’m an introvert and letting people know I was on that kind of site was scandalous for me.

One day in 2017, while I was checking my personal email at work (during my break), I received an email thanking me for joining their Christian dating site. I was aghast!!! I never signed up on any dating site. I responded to the email and informed them that I did not create that account and requested them to delete it pronto. Boy, was I relieved they did! Then I started to think really hard who created that account for me. The only person who knows my personal email address is my sister, so I sent her a message and she confirmed that it was her.

In 2018, when I was staying at my cousin’s, she told me about another Christian dating site. She said I should give it a try. I did try but only for 3 months. In 2020, after much persuasion from my sister, I reluctantly joined again. I prayed about it and I came to the conclusion that it could be one of the many avenues to meet someone. I didn’t rely on it solely. Plus, everybody was in quarantine so there was no way to meet people in person. I posted only one picture on my profile. It was like an ID card photo of me sans makeup. I took it one morning without having showered yet. 😅🤣 I told myself that IF I were to meet my husband there, he must see me without makeup. It’s hard to sustain a dolled-up appearance in marriage. 😅

I didn’t message anyone there. To my mind, I already put myself out there. It would be too much and too bold to initiate a conversation. I just opened the site every time I received a notification. I was very careful in talking to people there because a couple of guys messaged me and their intentions weren’t pure. Even in person, I was always guarded when it came to guys.

In October of 2022, I received a wink from Lelan. I looked at his profile and was encouraged by what I read. I saw that we are on the same page about a lot of things. I just sent a wink back because I didn’t want to send a message first. Then he sent a message. He asked me about my faith, work, and family. We exchanged messages for a few days then he gave his email address because he said he was not always on that site.

I thought, he should’ve asked me for my email address instead of giving me his. I honestly didn’t want to send an email first. (I shared this with Lelan after we got married and he told me that it was his way of knowing if someone was interested.) I contemplated whether to email him or not. I gathered my courage and sent him a super short email. He responded and we started exchanging emails.

He would write me really loooooooong emails. It was weird at first but then I understood that he wanted me to get to know him. He gave his background (family, work, faith, preferences, etc.) He asked me a lot of questions and I’m grateful he did because those were the same questions I wanted to ask him, and I didn’t have to initiate it. I’m glad we did that “question and answer” thing so there’d be no surprises after.

I actually had a list of questions to ask a guy on a date (I got it from one of the Christian YouTubers I watch.) and we were able to cover most of the items there. He didn’t know about my list then. 😁 It was nice because I learned about his perspective on different things. He also laid down his makes or breaks.

Every night since we started talking, I would ask God to stop Lelan from talking to me if he’s not the one for me because I didn’t want to waste my time and emotions. When I talked to a couple of guys before Lelan, I said the same prayer to God and in just a few days, they started showing their true colors. Lelan, however, stayed, and I am grateful.

After exchanging emails, he asked me if we could have a video call. We would often have video calls after the first one. He said that he wanted to visit me in the Philippines. One time after he said that, he mentioned that he “doesn’t know what God has in store for our relationship”. I was taken aback when I read that because for me, we were just getting to know each other. Plus, he never asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I told him the courtship culture in the Philippines–that a guy asks a girl first if she would like to be his girlfriend before they are officially in a relationship. I think he took it as rejection. He was aloof after that, although he would still talk to me. So we agreed to meet first then we’d decide later. I was also hurt because I was already sure of him even before meeting him in person. I just wanted him to ask me and make it official. It was crazy that I knew he’s my husband without seeing him in person yet and not knowing everything about him. But I like that he talks to me with respect, kindness, and care. He is a gentle guy.

Just a few days before he flew to the Philippines, he said that he couldn’t find his passport. He already had tickets to the go to the Philippines then. He said that if he doesn’t find his passport and if he couldn’t get a new passport on time, it means it’s not God’s plan for us to meet. I prayed and fasted and asked God to help him find his passport or get a new one before his flight. A couple of days after, he said that he was able to get a new passport!

Lelan came with his friends, John and James. I told him that I would also bring my friends every time we would go out, for safety. He agreed, but my friends were not available that time. They’re good guys though, thankfully. However, we were always with John and James. He asked me one time to talk, just the two of us but he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend yet.

I bought IDC (Intentional Discipleship Conference) tickets for all of us so they would see the church I belong to. It was a three-day conference. On the second day of the IDC, after we went to the Manila-American Cemetery, he started acting weird. They just left after the conference without saying goodbye. I didn’t know what happened then. I told my sister about it and she said that I should ask him out. I said NO WAY! I never asked a guy out. The guy should ask the girl, not the other way around. Plus, I felt disrespected after the 2nd day of the IDC. My sister and I debated. She said he traveled all the way from the U.S. to meet me and spend time with me. It wouldn’t hurt to ask him out. She really persuaded me.

I cried that night. I prayed and mustered my strength and sent him a message. Reluctantly, I asked him if he wanted to get ice cream–without John and James. He replied and agreed. He attended the conference in the morning (I didn’t because I wasn’t feeling well.) and we met in BGC in the afternoon. He suggested that instead of getting ice cream, we should go to the Manila-American Cemetery instead. It was already closed when we first went there and he really wanted to see if his grandfather’s friend’s grave is there. (He was an American soldier who died in the Philippines after the Bataan Death March.) Surprisingly, we found his grave!

We walked to Serendra after and while walking, he shyly asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Instead of answering his question, I again explained to him the courtship culture in my country–for clarity. When I saw his facial expression change from hopeful to despondent, I told him that my answer to his question is “Yes”. His face looked encouraged and happy and I was happy. 😊 He held my hand after. We went to the same tea shop we went to the first time we were there and he shared with me the things that were discussed in church that morning. We parted ways after we talked.

Before they left for the States, we all went to a mall in Antipolo with kuya Jerry (the Christian missionary they stayed with) and Anjo. We wanted to watch a movie but there wasn’t any movie that we liked so we just walked around. Then we got something to drink and sat down outside a restaurant. After talking for a bit, he asked me if I wanted to marry him and I said yes. I was surprised because I didn’t expect him to ask me right away. I mean, he just asked me to be his girlfriend a few days prior. I was happy nonetheless.

When I was still single, I had a notebook where I wrote the things I want in a husband. One of the many things I wrote was “someone who will cross oceans for me”. It shows that a guy really loves me and that he is willing to sacrifice for us to be together. Another one was, that we get married right away. 😅 I mean, if he’s the right one, there’s no need to delay. God knows each of us anyway. Plus, we’re not young anymore.

He asked for my parents’ blessing for our marriage and my parents gladly gave us their blessing. Before Lelan came the first time, I told papa that a friend of mine will visit from the U.S. and he instantly knew what I was talking about. He said that he (Lelan) is God’s gift to me. He said that even without meeting Lelan in person yet.

He returned to the Philippines last year just three months after his first visit. His mom and aunt (mama Dawn and aunt Kay) came a few days before the wedding to meet me and my family. His elder brother, Loyal, surprised mama Dawn a couple of days after we got back to Manila. I’m glad that I met some of his family members before we got married.

Things happened fast but that’s what I prayed for. I feel blessed to have a husband who is gentle and kind. He is respectful and he talks to me calmly. I love that he loves the Lord.

I would like to put our wedding vows here as a reminder. 😌

LELAN:

Maricor “Khu” Castillo Cornelio, about to be Olsen, thank you for loving me.

Some called parts of the Philippines, the Pearl of the Orient, and yet they have it all wrong. The Pearl of the Orient is standing shining radiantly beautiful in front of me this afternoon.

True to Your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and yet true to Pinoy culture, I have seen you open your heart and life to me, so that on top of your physical beauty, I’ve seen your beauty that won’t fade or diminish over time. Perhaps, Filipino had an early copy of 1st Peter when they established the standard of “mahinhin”.

You adorn not merely your outward, arranging your hair, as you have done so well today, wearing gold as you will in a minute, or putting on a fine apparel as you have done today. But it is the hidden person of your heart, the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.

Along with the Pearl of my Orient, I’ve also found what the richest man in the world would describe as something worth more than rubies. Who can find a virtuous woman? I have, babe. My heart safely trusts in you. I have abundance of gain. I know you will do me good and not evil all the days of your life.

You work willingly with your hands. You get up early to provide for your household. You consider a piece of property and buy it. You work to maintain the strength of your arm. You like working with your hands. You extend your hands to the poor and reach out your hands (in need ???).

I’m looking forward to the time to the Lord allowed that your children will rise up and call you blessed.

By now you know I am not a perfect person but I will strive to be your provider, protector, lover, and friend by looking on to Jesus, the author and finisher of our shared faith, and ask Him for His help to give what you deserve and need in a husband.

Some interpretations of your name, “Maricor”, mean “heart of Mary”. My name, “Lelan”, means “from the motherlands”.

My hope and prayer will be that my heart and life will be a place where one who bears the same desire to sit at the feet of Jesus like Mary and find rest and renewal as we journey on to eternal life.

I love you, babe. Thank you for loving me.

KHU:

Hi. How are you?

Lelan, babe, how did this happen to us?

The story of our meeting is unconventional, though not isolated. It’s amazing how God allows people to meet. Isn’t He creative?

I had no hesitation to say yes to you twice–first, to be your girlfriend, then 6 days after, to be your wife.

People are surprised when they learn I said yes to you right away. But I had peace in my heart. God answered my prayers more than once when I asked if you are right for me.

Before you even came here the first time, I already knew. You always ask me why I said yes to you. You’ve heard this countless times before but I will repeat it to reassure you.

I started praying intentionally for a husband 3 years before we started talking. Before you came into my life, I was hopeful and hopeless at the same time–more like Mark 9:24 (Lord, I believe; help my unbelief”). I know my desire to marry is from God, but because His answer was taking so long, I kind of have resigned to the possibility of enjoying single-blessedness for life.

Then you came. It’s so easy to talk to you. I can talk to you about anything. I feel comfortable with you. I can be goofy around you.

You are smart, sweet, honest, funny, appreciative, intentional, and committed. I love that you love the Lord. I love that you have a teachable heart. I see all of your efforts and I appreciate you for those. Thank you for traveling halfway around the world to be with me. Thank you for saving yourself for marriage. Thank you for praying for us, our family, and friends. Thank you for loving me.

I’m not entering this marriage unaware of the difficulties a marriage entails. You said that we’ll have difficult moments. But knowing that you are committed in us, I know we will fight, but we will fight not to separate, but to better our relationship. You said that grass “grows green where it is fed and watered” and I’m grateful that you are committed to “making the grass grow green on the inside of our fence”. Thank you for giving me that assurance. I feel secure because of that.

As your wife, I vow to…

⁃ communicate my feelings every time we have a misunderstanding. You know I gravitate towards writing because I’m not good with verbal communication. But I vow to grow in this area.

⁃ You know that I process things differently, but I’m surprised I’m able to discuss challenging topics with you. I vow to listen to your detailed stories as you are a verbal processor.

⁃ I vow to take care of you, & make Arnold Palmer for you.

⁃ I vow to pray for you always — for your health, strength, wisdom, and joy.

⁃ I vow to honor and serve you, to encourage & motivate you.

⁃ I vow to continue learning and growing with you.

⁃ I vow not to be irritable, but to be understanding, patient, and gentle

⁃ I vow to love you in good times and bad times.

I don’t have a lot of promises, babe, but I promise to love God first because I can only love you right if He is first in my life.

You are God’s answer to my prayer. You are “swak” to me. You always say you’re not perfect. Babe, you know very well that I’m not either. You will surely find more things to be frustrating about me. I don’t always say, do, or think the right things. I hope you will be gracious to me in those moments.

We are imperfect people but I hope and pray that God’s goodness will shine through our imperfections and that our marriage will ultimately bring glory to Him.

I thank God for you. I love you.